Back to Basics

I have been attempting to research the world around me as a casual observer to "another planet": seeking information; to understand; to help out in my travels; to know and be known as I wander through each day.  I've seen beauty so deep it breaks my heart in the sunrise God sends to wake us each morning; I've known sorrow to deep to put in words in His tears of rain that water the earth at the close of day.  I've seen compassion and cruelty--brothers stoning brothers in words and actions; calling, "Crucify!" of those they celebrated just yesterday.  I've seen children and animals left out in the cold while so many seek to get ahead; stumbling over them in the "rat race" without so much as a glance; ignoring the arthritic, twisted, gnarled hand reaching up for a morsel of bread in the face we pass on the streets each day.

I look back on my journey to when I would give away my umbrella and walk home laughing in the rain; to returning barefoot because someone needed my shoes more than I did; to getting to work hungry because that person needed my cup of coffee and breakfast and missing one meal wouldn't kill me...but it just might have killed them.  When did I learn to be silent in the face of injustice?  When did I learn to look after myself?  When did fear become more important than helping another on the way?  When did this earth become more important to me than the longing of eternity?
    We did an activity the other day--they put us, as teachers, together, to each build a square having only certain pieces.  The activity wasn't finished until we each could build the same size square.  At first, some of us built our squares and carefully guarded our pieces; we soon realized, we couldn't finish unless we were all willing to work together to help build each person's square.  It impacted me, because in the factions--politicians destroying other politicians; this one calling for the death of that one; this one deciding who deserves his or her time; this one building an empire while slaves are wasting away--I wonder how life would be if we put down our "pieces" and helped to build another's square. Would we find, then, those same pieces coming back to us in more than we had ever hoped or dreamed?  Would we find that the goal wasn't in "being first", but in overcoming TOGETHER; that it's okay to ask for forgiveness and put boundaries against negativity, but while we shut out the negativity, we should never hate or seek to destroy the person who put it there.  We should distance ourselves from abuse; from lies; from violence; from deception; from negativity; from control, but at the same time, leave a bridge that, should that person humbly choose to walk across, they will know that, on the other side, we will help them build a square.
Here's for all the children who cry themselves to sleep, hungry; for the stray animals abandoned to the wild; for the judges and leaders who might have made mistakes...I pray, in me, you won't find destruction.  I pray you know that, if I can ever help you, I'm making a choice, again, to try to be there.  If only with 5 loaves and 2 fishes, I pray I can say with Peter and John, "What I have, I give," and if, in my hands, it is just a drop in the bucket, in His, may it be a river that soothes the troubled heart.

On Anger

Anger---sharp and cold like a knife--
Piercing everything; in its wake
Leaving a bloody mess of strife.

Dissention; discord; resentment
and wounded pride--
Festering; oozing; infecting the vital organs inside.

Would we say what we want
Or what we mean
If we could see the end result
Of such a devastating scene?

Or would we think twice; pray; guard
our words and bide our time?
Anger when it's cooled is foe--
No longer friend sublime.

May the morning find us praying,
And at evening, watching still;
Without anger; sowing patience;
Fearless; crying,  "Father, have THY will."
May the morning wake with beauty;
Peaceful words and loving touch
And pay we not the price of anger;
Its end costs far too much.

Yes, I Believe

I've been going back through the music I used to listen to as a kid, and I've been asking myself some hard questions.  I remember spending hours in my room listening to encouraging songs, reading my Bible, and talking to God.  Back then, He was my best Friend.  I enjoyed spending time with people, and roller blading, and going on runs through the park, but there was nothing like "hanging out" with God.  One song in particular, "This Is Your Time," by Michael W. Smith really impacted me back in those days.  I listened to the song, again, today, and I found myself curled up on the couch weeping over the simplicity (and profoundness) of the message, and wondering how the busyness of day-to-day life stole that message from my heart along the way.
This past Sunday, I spent time through Skype with a dear friend whose doctors tell him he is dying of cancer and that, in their words, he has "moments left."  I made him laugh and heard him cry, and as we prayed together, we both knew that, in his case, the only way to give him even a chance is for him to let go of the secrets he keeps and the fears that are pressing on his heart and wearing his body out.  We know each conversation could be our last, but we also know God heals, and the only way to help him fight this battle is to begin to bring everything into the light.  I thought, again, about the words of the song: "Live in the sea.  Swim in the deep.  Embrace the mystery of all you can be.  This is your time.  This is your dance.  Live every moment.  Leave nothing to chance.  This is your time.  What if tomorrow....what if today...faced with the question (do you believe?), what would we say???? This is your time."  My friend has a beautiful family and a chance at life, but he needs to know every day more and more how much God loves him, and that he can let go and embrace all God is calling him to be.  His life is a beautiful song, and the pain and choices of the past only make each note more beautiful.  What if, somehow, denying God isn't only as simple as saying, "I don't believe," but skipping over His promises and forgetting to make a choice.  "I believe He loves me.  I believe He has forgiven me.  I believe He is enough, and I choose to live like I believe that."
When I turned off the computer, my phone rang and I spoke to another dear friend from miles away....bitter and broken over an unfaithful husband who not only broke her heart but the lives of the people he's called to lead as a missionary, father, and friend.  The battle in the natural has dragged on and the anger is high on both sides, and when I went to comfort her, longing to jump on a plane and be there for her,

I found the strangest words coming out of my mouth from somewhere deep in my heart.  Even stranger, I've found myself repeating those words all week in several different situations with people who are angry, and broken and confused; facing similar situations and fears:  What if this life doesn't matter as much as the next?  What if the battle isn't for fairness, or physical healing (although God heals), or deliverance from violence, and poverty, and the cruelty all around us (although God delivers, and gives us choices, and many times, shows us the way out of where we are)?  What if, what matters more, is what we do with this question?  Do I believe?  Do I believe, right now, that I'm not alone, and that Someone is walking with me, and that He'll stand up for me, and help me, and show me what to do?  And do I believe, inside of me, that just that, strangely, is enough?  How we answer that question may cost us everything in this life (choosing to let go in times where we can demand our rights; choosing to lay our lives down to help others even when it doesn't seem fair; choosing to go far from "home" to seek out those who need to know that they belong), but if we see things through God's eyes...through eternity...that same answer may give us everything we need.
I know I believe in God, but I find myself missing Him, today.  As I pray for people, and seek to help, do I lean too much in my own strength and forget that my best Friend is sitting right beside me?  Do I give counsel from my head and not my heart...that place deep inside me that says, "He's real.  He can make a difference"?  "I believe, and that belief is worth dying for."  I want to go back to living that way...to be afraid to deny Him....not just in the simplicity of never giving up on my faith, but in the complexity of choosing to live that faith each day.  There's a brokenness and a healing in letting go: in living each moment in the light of His love and being unafraid of rejection, or heartbreak, or losing what I most love.  If HE is what I most love, what can I lose?  He'll be there at each step; in every circumstance; giving me peace, and faith, and love.  NOTHING is greater than His Name.  So, if only in this blog, as a declaration to Heaven, I want to write, again, like I did when I was little...."Yes.  I believe."  And, somehow, that statement is everything, and too small, and just enough.  "Yes.  I.....BELIEVE."  Amen.

Everything Good

Philippians 4:8

New International Version Finally, my brothers, consider all that is true; respectable; everything that is just, pure, peaceable, worthy of admiration and all that is excellent or worthy of praise.  THINK ON THESE THINGS.  I read these verses, today, and they made me cry even though I've read them countless times.  I read them each week; each month; each year; each time I'm covered up in work or dealing with various situations.  I use them as a way to guard my heart and my mind.  Still, today, as I read them, I saw them in a different light, and they became almost a sword that piereced my heart.  Edmund Burke, a philosopher of the 1700's who fought to turn the Church back to her foundation of principles based solely upon the Bible and on Jesus's words once said that, "All that is needed for evil to triumph is for good to do nothing." So, I find myself, today, with tears and questions, and a call to my heart to wake up....for us each to return and, "Seek the Lord while He may be found."  Because a time will come and is very near when the heavens will open and our God shall appear, and He will hold close forever those who´ve held onto Him, and to truth, and love, and goodness and have fought for the truth we can only find in who He is.   Meanwhile, my heart longs to know, "What are we doing with this truth?"  So many times, instead of thinking on truth and goodness, we hold onto lies about one another; clinging to division and hatred and onto fighting for our own individual reign.  Why instead of thinking on what is respectable and respectful...extending mercy and healing...we decide who is worthy of our attention and love?  Why do we think we are justified in creating injustice if done in the name of a "bigger cause" (bigger only in our own thinking); why do we leave what is pure behind in the name of entertainment? It's so easy to stop being "lovely" and "loveable" when we feel someone has hurt us; it's so easy to overlook the admirable qualities of all who surround us...to forget that they are worthy of hearing our words of encouragement and affirmation; that they need to hear those words; they often need a hand extended not in anger, but in love. The more I live, the more I see inquisitions; factions; divisions; fear.  I miss the moments of my childhood and youth when I understood that, in this world, I might face those who hate me, but in the Church, I could always find those who believe in me and want to see me triumph and succeed.  Today, there are so many of us who still believe in love and justice; who believe God is winning; who want to see His mercy and truth triumph; His people filled not only with reason and understanding, but love.  May we have the courage to be the change we long to see; courage to find the lonely and accompany and love them; to find the sick and seek ways to help and heal them; to find those who have nothing and share our bread in returning to the days of Acts 2:42.  Jesus said He came to "seek and save that which is lost."  May we lose ourselves in doing nothing but the same, and then God Himself will shine upon us, and will give us the strength once more to, "Think on these things."  EDMUND BURKE "Each time you make a distinction between liberty and justice, in my opinion, neither are safe."

"Give me a kiss before I go."  That was my friend's way of saying, "good bye," to her husband for 30 years, and last Sunday, as we prayed for her, and she asked us to let her go and be with Jesus, those were some of the last words she said to her husband.  Not a permanent goodbye.  Not a sad defeat.  A joyous acknowledgement that her vacations were over, and for those of us who are still "on vacation," down here...enjoying life; working hard; doing what God puts in front of us to do until we make it back home, again, we gave her all our love and were there when she made it victoriously home.  My friend, Doña Flora, was one of the most courageous women I have ever had the privilege to know.  Filled with love; compassion; laughter; in spite of her pain, she always found a way to encourage those around her.  Her words filled my heart, and her life left a legacy for those who knew her to fill.  As I prepare to sign the papers on my counseling office, tonight, and pray for each month's $400 rent to come in, I'm reminded of her courage and her heartache, and how she encouraged me in my plans and reminded me daily of the need for there to be a place where the broken hearted could go, and rest, and spend time absorbing God's Presence and strength to go back out into the battle.  For her, and for several others whose faces fill my heart, I'm moving forward in spite of my fears...I know God will meet each month's need, and that there will be at last a place where people can go to hear from God and to release the pain that comes from various circumstances. Her family...Cristian, Andrea, Rusbel, Don Rigo, and all her children and grandchildren are a testimony to me of what it means to love God, and to move forward with the dreams He's placed in our hearts, and of the importance of weeping with those who mourn and rejoicing with those who rejoice.  This office building, a blessing from God, is in large part taking place because of their example, and will be in Doña Flora's memory who blessed my life and filled me with laughter, faith, and joy that words could never say.  Thank you to her, and to her family, for being a living encouragement to me that God answers us when we call, and that He will answer me.  May God bless you all.  Thank you for your courage and your legacy.

1. Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
   Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
   Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
   Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
   • Refrain:
     This is my story, this is my song,
     Praising my Savior all the day long;
     This is my story, this is my song,
     Praising my Savior all the day long.
2. Perfect submission, perfect delight,
   Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
   Angels, descending, bring from above
   Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
3. Perfect submission, all is at rest,
   I in my Savior am happy and blest,
   Watching and waiting, looking above,
   Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

Peace be Still

“O Thou who art my quietness, my deep repose,
My rest from strife of tongues, my holy hill,
Fair is Thy pavilion, where I hold me still.
Back let them fall from me, my clamorous foes,
Confusions multiplied;
From crowding things of sense I flee, and Thee I hide.
Until this tyranny be overpast,
Thy hand will hold me fast;
What though the tumult of the storm increase,
Grant to Thy servant strength, O Lord, and bless with peace.” 
― Amy Carmichael, Toward Jerusalem

I am saddened, today, as I write, and, yet, strangely encouraged.  This week, we buried a great friend and a great leader.  She taught me how to stand when I was 17: trying to grow in a counseling gift I didn't yet understand.  I think of her, but I also think of so many others; many who paid the price and have gone before us, and whose footsteps light the way in front of us as they tried to follow Jesus.  I feel a shifting coming; a turning of the tides.  Everywhere, the darkness is growing; some say it has always been this dark; others say that it's only that we are becoming more aware of it; my theory is that, in these days, the "dark will get darker, and the light lighter" (2 Timothy 3:13-14), and what we do with the light God has given us will determine the course of families, churches, nations, and kings.  God has called us to arise (Isaiah 60) and to not be overcome by the darkness (fear; sorrow; guilt; compromise), but to overcome evil with good.  All around us, we see losses insurmountable, and all around us, we see joy and abundant provision, and both are found in the same day.  Those losses and joys encourage me even more in the hope that, as Winston Churchill once said, "This is our finest hour."  We can look around and call these days dark, or we can stand up and shine with all that is within us, and even in the darkness, know the One who came to give us light.

There is a "civil war" coming, if you will; a dividing line where even compromise will seem okay; where power will sustitute godly authority; where even in the Name of God, intimidation, and division, and pride ("Only I know best") will be allowed to reign.  James called this type of wisdom sensual, but said that the wisdom which comes from above will be teachable and peaceable; God's wisdom may bring a sword, at times, but against injustice, and compromise, and fear, and arrogance; NEVER against those God came to save.  God's wisdom will never be heard oppressing people in the streets; His wisdom stoops low to honor and protect, but never to the point of calling darkness light or light darkness; never to the point of justifying what we know is not okay.

Those who have gone before us--who paid the price to teach us love, and joy, and fairness, and perseverance; who gave their lives for others regardless of the costs, but stood up to those same "others" when doing so was not popular; when keeping silent would have been easier; when compromise longed for control.  We honor them, and we follow their example: love must always be the goal; wisdom must always seek to bring freedom and peace; arrogance and pride can never be the means to accomplishing our reforms; neither does speaking against the darkness equal religion and arrogance.  We dance a careful dance: free and compassionate; holding to our standards and calling others to rise, and rightly discern wrong from right, yet willing to listen; never thinking we've arrived.  As we dance a dance of grace, and mercy, and freedom, and compassion, we hold to who God has made us and allow others to be themselves. And we allow God to be over us all...to let Him be the One to bring conviction and change; to let Him use our lives to call others higher, and deeper, and further in Him.

To do any less would be to dishonor the memory of those who gave their lives in the battle; who at one point reached down to us and allowed us to climb upon their shoulders to see from a better view.  May God giveus courage and wisdom; may He help us balance the truth with love; may He find us faithful when, like them, we close our eyes in sleep, and until that day, may He be our refuge from the enemy of our souls; may He truly be "a rest from strife of tongues."  May we long to do His will; may we see Him in our hearts and know that, one day, we, too, will see Him, like those who have gone before us, now, face to face.

Be Magnified

I woke up singing this song, today: "When you're up against a struggle, that shatters all your dreams, and your hopes have been cruelly crushed by Satan's manifested schemes, and you feel the urge within you to submit to earthly fear, don't let the faith you're standing in seem to disappear. Praise the Lord; He will work through those who praise Him. Praise the Lord, for our God inhabits praise. Praise the Lord; for the chains that seem to bind you serve only to remind you that they drop powerless behind you when you praise Him. Now, Satan is a liar and he wants to make us think that we are paupers, when he knows himself we're children of the King.

So, lift up the mighty shield of faith for the battle must be won. We know that Jesus Christ has risen and the work's already done. Praise the Lord; He will work through those who praise Him.

Praise the Lord; for our God inhabits praise. Praise the Lord; for the chains that seem to bind you serve only to remind you that they drop powerless behind you when you praise Him. When you praise Him...When you praise, you praise the Lord. Praise the Lord."

The more I live, the more I see that the monsters we feared in our closets and under our beds are real, and are all around us.  They are more frightening than any we could have made up as children; they are nearer, and the most frightening part of all is, they live among us.  And because many times, they are even IN us if we are not careful--jealousy; selfishness; stubbornness; insecurity; rage--it becomes harder and harder, at times, to tell the good from the bad and the right from the wrong the older and more "set in our ways" we grow.  But just as the monsters are real, so are the heroes: they, too, live among us, and in us, and we meet them and ARE them every day: kindness; compassion; mercy; forgiveness; laying our lives down for those around us regardless of what we receive in return.  Each day we make a choice: to defeat the monsters or become them.  We are defined by what we tolerate and allow to grow...as individuals; as couples; as families; as churches; as nations and leaders and "heads of State."  As children, we knew that nothing could happen once the monsters were "chased" out of the closet, and beds properly checked; the darkness was kept out, and we slept in the security of knowing those in authority over us would keep us safe (at least, in an "ideal" world; I know that, for many, the reality was the opposite for the same reasons explored, here).  We grow, and we forget that things were simple: that bad is bad, and good is good; we allow fears to creep into our hearts and mold us with each circumstance; we forget what we once longed for and what we once believed.

Do you remember singing in the dark at the top of your lungs as children?  Do you remember holding the hand of someone you loved, and feeling the "safety" come back?  If you never experienced that, do you remember the longing, and can you imagine it, here?  There is so much going on in our world.  I'm reminded of it, daily, in the people I counsel and the situations I step into to intervene as situations allow.  From Thailand to Tahiti, there are dangers, and hurt, and violence, and oppression--if not seen on a national scale, in homes, behind closed doors.  Children are left alone; the penniless wait for answers; the sick are waiting on healing; heartaches, and loneliness, and despair so dark it outshines any darkness we once faced under our beds is becoming apparent and real in our "grown-up" worlds.  And, yet, there is a light.  There is, yet, goodness.  Habakkuk, when faced with situations graver than we will ever know--even in our modern world--said, "Put your trust in God, for I will YET praise Him."  Somehow, if inside of us, we hold onto freedom, and life, and love, and truth, and do not let the light go out, if we continue to believe that God is good, and that He will not leave us, His love is a blanket that wraps around us no matter how harshly the winds may  blow.  Though we may still weep, and grieve the losses and the "waiting," we realize that we are not alone; there is a Hand holding ours keeping us, yet, in "safety" no matter what the day may bring.  Like children, we can lift our voices and praise Him; we can magnify Him and trust Him until that trust brings rest to our minds, and shows us a course of action.  And when there is no action that can be taken--no course that can be run--we wait in His arms knowing that He is still good.  He has overcome the darkness.  He has made a world this world cannot touch, and has promised to take us, there.  We can be like those of Hebrews 11, who in spite of all threats of violence, held onto a world they saw with distant eyes, and found courage when there was no courage to be found. They stated plainly that they were citizens of a Kingdom never shaken; even in laying down their lives to stand for Truth and Life, they won.  Their legacy remains.  The monsters of their time could not erase the light those courageous people shone, and so, too, are we if we refuse to bow before fear and despair.  May we love with all that is in us; may we sow goodness, and kindness, and freedom, and stand against the darkness.  And may the world hear, each day, as we lie down to rest, a song.  With voices that shake, perhaps, but voices that cannot stop trusting in the One who knows our frame, may we lie down each night praising His Name.  He is good.  He is with us.  He HAS won.  And THAT will give us courage when we awaken, again, each next day.