On Anger

Anger---sharp and cold like a knife--
Piercing everything; in its wake
Leaving a bloody mess of strife.

Dissention; discord; resentment
and wounded pride--
Festering; oozing; infecting the vital organs inside.

Would we say what we want
Or what we mean
If we could see the end result
Of such a devastating scene?

Or would we think twice; pray; guard
our words and bide our time?
Anger when it's cooled is foe--
No longer friend sublime.

May the morning find us praying,
And at evening, watching still;
Without anger; sowing patience;
Fearless; crying,  "Father, have THY will."
May the morning wake with beauty;
Peaceful words and loving touch
And pay we not the price of anger;
Its end costs far too much.

Yes, I Believe

I've been going back through the music I used to listen to as a kid, and I've been asking myself some hard questions.  I remember spending hours in my room listening to encouraging songs, reading my Bible, and talking to God.  Back then, He was my best Friend.  I enjoyed spending time with people, and roller blading, and going on runs through the park, but there was nothing like "hanging out" with God.  One song in particular, "This Is Your Time," by Michael W. Smith really impacted me back in those days.  I listened to the song, again, today, and I found myself curled up on the couch weeping over the simplicity (and profoundness) of the message, and wondering how the busyness of day-to-day life stole that message from my heart along the way.
This past Sunday, I spent time through Skype with a dear friend whose doctors tell him he is dying of cancer and that, in their words, he has "moments left."  I made him laugh and heard him cry, and as we prayed together, we both knew that, in his case, the only way to give him even a chance is for him to let go of the secrets he keeps and the fears that are pressing on his heart and wearing his body out.  We know each conversation could be our last, but we also know God heals, and the only way to help him fight this battle is to begin to bring everything into the light.  I thought, again, about the words of the song: "Live in the sea.  Swim in the deep.  Embrace the mystery of all you can be.  This is your time.  This is your dance.  Live every moment.  Leave nothing to chance.  This is your time.  What if tomorrow....what if today...faced with the question (do you believe?), what would we say???? This is your time."  My friend has a beautiful family and a chance at life, but he needs to know every day more and more how much God loves him, and that he can let go and embrace all God is calling him to be.  His life is a beautiful song, and the pain and choices of the past only make each note more beautiful.  What if, somehow, denying God isn't only as simple as saying, "I don't believe," but skipping over His promises and forgetting to make a choice.  "I believe He loves me.  I believe He has forgiven me.  I believe He is enough, and I choose to live like I believe that."
When I turned off the computer, my phone rang and I spoke to another dear friend from miles away....bitter and broken over an unfaithful husband who not only broke her heart but the lives of the people he's called to lead as a missionary, father, and friend.  The battle in the natural has dragged on and the anger is high on both sides, and when I went to comfort her, longing to jump on a plane and be there for her,

I found the strangest words coming out of my mouth from somewhere deep in my heart.  Even stranger, I've found myself repeating those words all week in several different situations with people who are angry, and broken and confused; facing similar situations and fears:  What if this life doesn't matter as much as the next?  What if the battle isn't for fairness, or physical healing (although God heals), or deliverance from violence, and poverty, and the cruelty all around us (although God delivers, and gives us choices, and many times, shows us the way out of where we are)?  What if, what matters more, is what we do with this question?  Do I believe?  Do I believe, right now, that I'm not alone, and that Someone is walking with me, and that He'll stand up for me, and help me, and show me what to do?  And do I believe, inside of me, that just that, strangely, is enough?  How we answer that question may cost us everything in this life (choosing to let go in times where we can demand our rights; choosing to lay our lives down to help others even when it doesn't seem fair; choosing to go far from "home" to seek out those who need to know that they belong), but if we see things through God's eyes...through eternity...that same answer may give us everything we need.
I know I believe in God, but I find myself missing Him, today.  As I pray for people, and seek to help, do I lean too much in my own strength and forget that my best Friend is sitting right beside me?  Do I give counsel from my head and not my heart...that place deep inside me that says, "He's real.  He can make a difference"?  "I believe, and that belief is worth dying for."  I want to go back to living that way...to be afraid to deny Him....not just in the simplicity of never giving up on my faith, but in the complexity of choosing to live that faith each day.  There's a brokenness and a healing in letting go: in living each moment in the light of His love and being unafraid of rejection, or heartbreak, or losing what I most love.  If HE is what I most love, what can I lose?  He'll be there at each step; in every circumstance; giving me peace, and faith, and love.  NOTHING is greater than His Name.  So, if only in this blog, as a declaration to Heaven, I want to write, again, like I did when I was little...."Yes.  I believe."  And, somehow, that statement is everything, and too small, and just enough.  "Yes.  I.....BELIEVE."  Amen.

Everything Good

Philippians 4:8

New International Version Finally, my brothers, consider all that is true; respectable; everything that is just, pure, peaceable, worthy of admiration and all that is excellent or worthy of praise.  THINK ON THESE THINGS.  I read these verses, today, and they made me cry even though I've read them countless times.  I read them each week; each month; each year; each time I'm covered up in work or dealing with various situations.  I use them as a way to guard my heart and my mind.  Still, today, as I read them, I saw them in a different light, and they became almost a sword that piereced my heart.  Edmund Burke, a philosopher of the 1700's who fought to turn the Church back to her foundation of principles based solely upon the Bible and on Jesus's words once said that, "All that is needed for evil to triumph is for good to do nothing." So, I find myself, today, with tears and questions, and a call to my heart to wake up....for us each to return and, "Seek the Lord while He may be found."  Because a time will come and is very near when the heavens will open and our God shall appear, and He will hold close forever those who´ve held onto Him, and to truth, and love, and goodness and have fought for the truth we can only find in who He is.   Meanwhile, my heart longs to know, "What are we doing with this truth?"  So many times, instead of thinking on truth and goodness, we hold onto lies about one another; clinging to division and hatred and onto fighting for our own individual reign.  Why instead of thinking on what is respectable and respectful...extending mercy and healing...we decide who is worthy of our attention and love?  Why do we think we are justified in creating injustice if done in the name of a "bigger cause" (bigger only in our own thinking); why do we leave what is pure behind in the name of entertainment? It's so easy to stop being "lovely" and "loveable" when we feel someone has hurt us; it's so easy to overlook the admirable qualities of all who surround us...to forget that they are worthy of hearing our words of encouragement and affirmation; that they need to hear those words; they often need a hand extended not in anger, but in love. The more I live, the more I see inquisitions; factions; divisions; fear.  I miss the moments of my childhood and youth when I understood that, in this world, I might face those who hate me, but in the Church, I could always find those who believe in me and want to see me triumph and succeed.  Today, there are so many of us who still believe in love and justice; who believe God is winning; who want to see His mercy and truth triumph; His people filled not only with reason and understanding, but love.  May we have the courage to be the change we long to see; courage to find the lonely and accompany and love them; to find the sick and seek ways to help and heal them; to find those who have nothing and share our bread in returning to the days of Acts 2:42.  Jesus said He came to "seek and save that which is lost."  May we lose ourselves in doing nothing but the same, and then God Himself will shine upon us, and will give us the strength once more to, "Think on these things."  EDMUND BURKE "Each time you make a distinction between liberty and justice, in my opinion, neither are safe."